Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Trashy Shorts: I Guess So

The other day, my 3-year-old looked up at me, wide-eyed with excitement and the prospect of realized dreams.

“Mommy,” he asked earnestly, “can I have a treehouse like Peppa?  You guess so?  You guess so?”

His tactic reminded me of the time I got a job as a server at a restaurant--which was a horrible idea, by the way.  I was awful at it, but no worse than my best friend, who got a job at the same place on the same day and then later spilled chocolate milk all over Trace Adkins and his band.  

But seriously, who the fck orders chocolate milk?  We blamed them.

Anyway, when I first got the job, I had a training session with one of those annoying-ass gung-ho managers who was intent on doing her own little part to make the company billions of dollars, even though she herself only made $5.50 an hour and would never see it.

"The secret," she told me one day, nodding her head furiously, "is to nod your head like this as you're asking a customer if he or she wants anything else.  It's like a subliminal message.  It almost always works."

That is so fcking ridiculous, I thought.  People are not that stupid--and if they are, then I'm not sure this is a world I want to live in.

Then I realized that my head was moving up and down in time with hers like my own little version of a damned bobblehead doll.

"See?" she said, smirking with satisfaction.  "Told ya."

Anyway, I remember when I was a kid and my mom’s “Maybe” became her signature answer for “No.”

I guess my signature answer for, “Keep at it, kid; you’re wearing me down,” is “SIGH.  I guess so…”
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1 comment:

  1. I just saw a woman in trashy shorts last night at Walmart - but I digress.

    I found myself nodding accordingly with this blog.

    You guess so? I love that part. I'm going to use it, even as a grownup.