Earth Day was last week, and in celebration, I’d like to share this picture, taken at my dad’s house when we were there for Easter:
When I showed it to my little sister, I said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got ourselves a hoarder.”
“What the hell does someone need 300 empty tortilla bags for?” she asked, brow furrowed as she puzzled over it.
“What the hell does someone need one empty tortilla bag for?” I responded.
“Dammit, assholes,” my dad said, coming up behind us and looking at the picture over our shoulders. “You’d better not put that on Facebook!”
“But Dad,” I protested, whipping my phone away as he tried to grab it and delete the picture, “people become famous for shit like this. This picture could go viral and you could end up on TV. Haven’t you ever seen Hoarders?”
“I’m not a hoarder!” he said. “Haven’t you ever heard of reduce, reuse, and recycle? I’m reusing. It’s called SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT, Shay.”
“I’m a Republican, Dad. I don’t give a shit about the environment. And besides, I’m fairly certain that this is more about tightwaddery. What’s a person pay for a box of reclosable sandwich bags at the store nowadays—a buck and a half?”
“It depends on how many are in the box,” my dad muttered.
“That’s what I thought,” I replied, uploading the picture to my personal Facebook page.