Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Trashy Shorts: These Little Stubbies Are Looking Good Tonight

I am so in love with my new fingernail polish.

I keep doing things like drinking out of coffee mugs that complement it and then twisting the mugs this way and that so I can get a better look at the shiny blue, or pretend-gasping at myself in the mirror just so that I can admire my nails as I cover my mouth with my hand in fake surprise.

The only drawback is that I have these unnaturally little fingers, and even though I've accepted that, other people always want to ask about them--especially when my gorgeous new blue nail polish is drawing attention straight to them.  

Hey, peeps, I can’t help it I have short sausage fingers even though I’m 6’ tall.

Once, in high school, I was driving a friend home from track practice when I noticed him watching my hands on the steering wheel intently.

He opened his mouth to talk, and I was sure that a compliment on my driving prowess was forthcoming.  We were only 16 years old, after all, and that kind of talk was all the rage.  Instead, though, I heard this:

“Did your mom drink while she was pregnant with you?”

I furrowed my brow in thought, then took my eyes off of the road for a second to turn toward him.  “Yeah,” I said, "I think so.  Why?”

He looked momentarily taken aback, but he quickly recovered.  “I just figured maybe that’s what happened to your fingers.”

I shrugged.  “Probably so.”

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  1. Aww, don't listen to the haters! My fingers are kinda stubby too & my nails are probably shorter than yours. I.CAN'T.GROW.MY.NAILS. So I don't even bother getting them done. But I do get my stubby little toes done & I like to admire those as it so infrequently happens. I like the description of you always trying to find ways to admire your nails. I do that too.

  2. Hahaha that must be why I have freakishly small hands. A good friend of mine says I have Carnival Freak hands. At least I could make money from them if I could find a freak show.

  3. People always make cracks about my having paws and not hands.

  4. Haha. I do the same thing. I make the Home Alone move when I pass a mirror (when I even do my nails) to showcase both hands at the same time. Efficient!