Friday, January 23, 2015


A couple of months ago, my 6-year-old came to me holding a notebook and wearing a mischievous smile.

“Look, Mom,” he said, flipping the notebook around so that I could see what he’d written.  “I sounded it out myself.

Because I am a really good mom, I choked back my laughter and gave him a very stern motherly look instead.  I’ve practiced it in the mirror, so I know it’s pretty good.

But then he asked me for scissors, and I asked him why he needed them. 

“Well,” he said very seriously, “I’m going to cut it out and make it into a sign to hold up in case I ever see Obama.”  He paused for a moment, thinking.  “It’s not like I’ll ever see him, but I’ll have it just in case.”

And that’s when I dropped the stern act, turning my head and doing that silent shoulder-shaking laughter thing so hard that I cried.  I mean, he’s six!
Now Obama fans out there—don’t get all up in my shit.  I don't talk politics on the internet since two of my random Facebook friends got into an all-caps fight calling each other ASSCLOWN and ASSHAT all over my page a few years ago over a political post, so I'll never say which side of the aisle that I lean on this blog.

I will say that my kids aren't old enough to vote yet, so any major political brainwashing campaigns to sway them toward my point of view would be a waste of my time at this point in the game.

So the kid didn't hear that from me.

However, as to the question of where my son has heard the word “douche”:  Um, GUILTY.

I do believe it’s high time to listen to my husband when he tells me to start watching my mouth around our kids.  Like a sailor, I am.

Once, during my teaching days, I ran into an old friend with whom I’d worked at a large retail store during our college years.  “Shay,” he said, “I can’t believe you haven’t been fired for cussing in front of your students yet!”

“Yeah,” I responded, just as amazed.  “Can you believe it?  I haven’t messed up once.  Except for that time I called one of them a dick.”

Anyway, try not to judge.  Old habits die hard, and although I really don’t cuss in front of my kids that often, the occasional “douche” muttered when encountering asshole drivers on the way to school is an exception because dammit, it’s just such a fun word.  And so effective.

I’ll just have to start saying it ONLY when the kids aren’t around. 

Starting RIGHT NOW. 


  1. I once got reprimanded at work for flipping the bird at an employee. We were joking around and since he was around the age of my boys my middle finger just kind of shot up all on it's own.

    1. Since he was around the age of your boys...hilarious!

  2. ROFL! He's going to carry that sign around at all times, just in case he runs into Obama?!?!? So, is that really what he MEANT to spell?

    1. Angel--it really is what he meant to spell. I should probaby stop saying it so much, but it truly is one of my favorite words. No more! :)