Monday, October 27, 2014

Trashy Shorts: Winter Wardrobe

Over the weekend, I scored 3 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of canvas shoes—the majority of my winter wardrobe—at Wal-Mart...because I'm stylish like that. Don't be jelly.

I got a stick of beef jerky, too, but there’s not a chance that it’ll make it to the winter.  In fact, it didn’t even make it onto the belt:  The lady had to scan the empty wrapper that I held up for her after snarfing my jerky while waiting in line.

My husband always tells me that it’s trashy when I do that.  I tell him at least I don’t toss the wrapper to the floor when I’m finished, effectively stealing my beef jerky.

No, I don’t do that.  All romanticized fantasies I’d ever had about shoplifting went straight out the window a couple of years ago, when I was pumping gas and watched a stringy-haired man walk into the convenience store and walk right back out, a gallon of milk peeking out from under his oversized black t-shirt.

I remember thinking—how in the HELL does one blithely tuck a gallon of milk under his shirt?  Isn’t it cold?  And that t-shirt was so big that I wondered if he had anything else hidden up there. I almost stopped him to ask if we could sit and have a picnic lunch together.  I’d totally become an accessory to the crime if he’d split a bag of Cheetos.

What was I talking about again?

2 comments:

  1. If I ate beef jerky, I'd probably snarf it in line too - I always feel like I'm being held hostage along with all of my free time, when I get in line at Wal-mart.

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    1. I worked there all through college, so I am always sweet to the employees...but those bastards with the books of plastic-sheeted coupons that always end up right in front of me in line? Come on, asswipe, unless you're bringing the cameras with you and I'll get to guest star as the awestruck customer behind the dick with the coupon book on some extreme couponer show, go to Aldi's...:)

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