Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Trashy Shorts: Hot as Balls

I don’t know if it was sweat or tears running down my face during my quick 3-mile jog in the 99-degree heat over the weekend.  What I do know, however, is that I actually tucked my tank top into the bottom of my sports bra in a feeble attempt to cool off.

The few of you who know who is behind this blog and have had the privilege of being present at parties or other special events where, as my favorite party trick, I’ve whipped out my gut, will understand what a sight this was to behold.

Luckily there was no one around to behold it.

Oh, and in other news:  Sometimes undiagnosed OCD can make an otherwise somewhat intelligent person kinda stupid.  I thought I was going to pass out 3 times along the way (maybe once per mile?), but I figured no biggie, I was running on my in-laws’ farm and, because of the dangers of the heat, I had told my sister-in-law to come find me if I wasn’t back in about 30 minutes.

When I did return to my in-laws’ house, dripping sweat and almost choking on my own breath, I found my sister-in-law in her childhood bedroom, spraying perfume on her wrists.  I noticed that her feet were bare.

“Um, that was cutting it kind of close,” I said.  “Actually, with the stretching I did at the end, it’s probably been about 40 minutes since I left.  Were you just getting ready to put your shoes on and come and check on me?”

She looked at me and blinked.  “Shay!” she said.  “I’d forgotten you were here.”

Ah, well.  The workout got done, and even though my sister-in-law apparently wouldn’t have cared if I’d died of heat stroke—well, I didn’t.  #victory


  1. If you are going to run in that heat you better find someone reliable enough to check on you.

  2. Good for you! You showed that bitch! :)