Monday, July 14, 2014

Trashy Shorts: Family Vacation

Up bright and early to head to the annual extended family vacation, sponsored by my dad.

I really hope it’s as awesome as the one two years ago, when my youngest brother got drunk and got into a screaming match with my mom that could be heard all the way at the other end of the hotel.  My sisters and I know because we requested rooms at the opposite end of the hotel from my brother and my mom, and that’s where we first heard all the racket.

I tell you what, peeps:  Nothing says white trash more loudly than a mother and her drunken son screaming back and forth about who actually sprung for the bill at the pool bar.

The whole thing made Mom so mad that she swore she’d never come on another family vacation again, to which my dad responded, “Good.  I’m sick of paying for your room, anyway.  It’s about time we start acting like the divorced couple we are.”

Yes. As if separate rooms could keep those perverts apart when they’re lonely and needing some action.  But we all pretend to believe them, because otherwise we’ll puke.

Ah, family vacations...aren’t they the loveliest?

Wish me luck.


  1. Hahaha oh, the memories! That I've all but repressed. I JUST TODAY posted about my family vacation, and it was hauntingly similar to a zombie apocalypse. They are getting better though!

    1. I consider myself pretty spiritual, Joy. I just keep repeating "God help us. God help us." So far, it's seemed to help! :)

  2. Hmmm, it seems that one of us isn't doing family vacations correctly. Wonder if it's you or me.

  3. Are you back now? Still on vaca? Good luck if it's still happening (and read this from my phone days ago and phone is a dick so whatever, commenting now).