Monday, May 5, 2014

Trashy Shorts: Pillow Pet

It would take you longer to read a list of the names of dudes I skanked out with in my 20’s than it would for you to read these “Trashy Shorts” posts.  Then again, a 500-page legal document would probably take less time to read than a list of the names of dudes I skanked out with in my 20’s, too.  Which is all beside the point, because I can’t make an accurate list: If I happened to catch names, I was usually too drunk to remember them.

In any case, these particular posts are short.
"Pillow Pet"
Apparently my dad and my Uncle Jim won a pillow pet yesterday during a heated game of church Bingo.  How do two grown men win one pillow pet to share during an adults-only Bingo game?  I have no clue, but you can bet your ass that there are going to be some fights going on over that stupid cow pillow. 

It’s a pity there’s no modern-day King Solomon around to solve this one, although now that I think about it, it’s probably for the best, as each of those stubborn bastards would grab a side and pull, screaming, “Split it!  Split it right down the middle, dammit!”

For more on how much my dad loves his free shit, click here, and omg, you guys, I WISH I didn’t have to be anonymous, because there is such a great picture that my dad posted on Facebook of him and his brother—two men in their 60’s—posing with their pillow pet. Someday I hope to be able to show you…


  1. Could you out those black bars over their faces like they do in homemade pornos? Then we couldn't see their faces, just their shame---I mean Pillow Pet.

  2. I think you need to find a way to share that photo... priceless!