Monday, May 26, 2014

The Pool Is Open

My husband posted this picture and caption on Facebook a few days ago:

The pool is open! It's hard being wealthy.

I laughed out loud when I saw it, because oh my gosh, we are lovingly known as the trashy people in the neighborhood, and what better way to keep up that image in a subdivision full of beautiful in ground pools set into manicured back lawns than with an inflatable pool from Sam's Club?

We had to replace our old one, as a mini tornado had come ripping through the neighborhood one night last summer, and the pool was found two days later about a half a mile away in someone else's yard. I remember one of the little neighborhood girls catching me in the driveway as I was reading a magazine while my kids drew with sidewalk chalk.

"Shay," she said, "Mom and I were driving home and saw your pool in the Watsons' backyard."

I looked up from the article I was reading, which gave a detailed strength workout using your own body weight. "Hm," I said, thinking. "I'll just wait for the next storm. I'm sure it'll blow back in this direction then."

But it didn't. We waited all summer, and still, that stubborn pool stayed in the Watsons' backyard.  We expected a thank-you card, but apparently they didn’t appreciate the pool as much as we did.  Snobs.

So we showed those asshole Watsons AND that runaway pool. We went to Sam's Club a few weekends ago and replaced it with this one--complete with a swim-under arch and two seats for Mom and Dad. The only thing missing is a spot to place our cooler, but then again, the pool, fully inflated, sits about two inches from the ground, so we can just kind of, you know, reach down to grab a beer.

Someone on Facebook asked my wealthy husband why he didn’t also get the new stables in the shot, but, as I replied in the comments section, obviously the pool is so grand that nothing else would have been able to fit into the frame.

My husband is now glad that we splurged on the pool.  He had originally balked at the $29.98 price tag, but I reminded him that we had probably already spent at least that much on beer during that very same trip to Sam’s Club…and he had grudgingly agreed, tossing the pool into the cart.

It’s all about perspective, my peeps…and besides, the kids love it.

Speaking of the kids, in my husband’s original post, he had also included a picture of our kids splashing around in the pool, looks of pure joy on their faces.  One of my friends had commented, “You ARE wealthy.  Look at those beautiful boys.”  And oh my gosh, peeps—I started fcking crying.  Like, real tears flowing down this mile-long horseface.

Because dammit, we are.  We are so blessed.

And on that sappy-ass note…Happy Memorial Day!!


  1. Okay- I love you. You are my NEW FAVORITE BLOGGER!!! I am laughing so hard right now!!! I would SO come over and hang with you at your pool!! Forget the other top-notchers... they don't know what they are missing!!

    And oh yes mama, you are WEALTHY!!!

    LOVE this so much. *Bringin' the cooler, and the sunscreen- be over this afternoon*

    1. Thank you so much, Chris! That comment made my day!

  2. Awww, you are wealthy. So true. And I love your Sam's pool. It looks like the same one we buy every year. :)

  3. You clearly are! Not gonna lie, I'm legit jelly of your fancy pool. We got an inflatable shark pool from Aldi 3 yrs ago for $8.99 and it's more patch than pool now :( it took maybe 10 minutes for that pool toe mostly empty.
    Mayhaps we'll have a tornado and get a winner like that one. WE would appreciate it, damn Watsons.

  4. Waiting for the invite to the first pool party of the year! What should I bring? Are swimsuits optional?

  5. Hahahahahahaah! BOOM! Best looking pool in the entire neighborhood I bet! Damn Watsons. Maybe you should tag them on your husband's FB post, that way, they know what's coming when the next tornado arrives. LMAO
    We have similar inflatable pool (but yours looks fancier with that arch and seats) but we've never taken it out of storage for the last 2 years because the damn thing takes a long time to fill!

  6. I covet your pool. I am hoping a mini tornado sends it my way. Wealthy, indeed.