Friday, May 16, 2014

A Belated Mother's Day Surprise

On Monday when I picked up my boys from preschool, I noticed that there was a Mother’s Day gift tucked into my younger son’s sweet little pile of crafts that I guess I had neglected to pick up the previous Friday.  His teacher had asked him questions about me and then written down the answers for him.

As I studied it, I breathed out an “Ohhh, how cute!  Obviously, I thought, he hadn’t understood the questions and had just thrown out the same random answer for all of them.  I remember thinking, Ah, well, he’s a little slower than the other kids, but he’ll probably catch up. And anyway, it makes for an adorable little card.  What’s for lunch?

But then my eyes caught on the 4th answer on the paper:  But most of all, she is special…”because she takes me to Bible Study.”

My first response was to get all teary-eyed because oh my gosh, how sweet.  But just as suddenly as those tears came my second response:  WTF??

Because that answer is totally fcking legit.  I do take him to Bible Study all the time.  And every week he himself is almost brought to tears at the kindness of the gesture because he loves Bible Study so much.  He doesn’t realize that with the $15 fees per semester that pay for my books, I also get free childcare—in a fun playroom that the kids love while I’m down the hall sipping coffee and talking Jesus with my good-influence friends.

I’ll be honest with you, folks, and I don’t feel guilty about admitting it because I’ve told my Jesus friends the same thing:  I’m not sure if I’ve kept coming back to Bible Study over the past 5 years because of the 2-hour free break that I get from my kids and husband, or if it’s for the warm and fuzzy feeling I get inside when I hang out with these girls.  But I’m pretty sure it’s the childcare.  I think we’re all a bit worried that when my kids get too old to enjoy the childcare, I’ll stop coming.

It’s a legitimate concern.

But back to the card.  Basically, my younger son’s effusive praise of me for taking him to Bible Study validated the fact that he’d known what he was talking about the entire time: That little bastard was calling me a dinosaur.

Hey, Mom, you look like a dinosaur, you have the temperament of a dinosaur, and you’re about as smart as one, too.  Happy Fcking Mother’s Day!  You’re a beast.

Thanks a lot, son.



  1. From one dinosaur to another, you rocked this post. Love it! RAWR!

  2. Just wait till he gets a little older and see some of the things he calls you. I'll take "dinosaur" any day.

  3. But you know, you're probably a triceratops because they're the coolest. Anyway, I love your Jurassic Snark.

  4. I adore your honesty.
    Fabulous. You're just like the rest of us! x

  5. Dinosaurs are the awesomest and that means you are one hell of a mom! Hey, I'd take my kids to bible study everyday if they have child care too! They let us chase our kids around here while we sing hallelujah. Pfft.

  6. HAHAHAH your kid is cool. I'm pretty sure he paid you the highest compliment of all. And being as smart as a dinosaur? Pretty damn cool, if you ask me.

  7. every time I read "Jesus friends" I died laughing. I would do a lot for kid-free judgment here.

  8. We all know that dinosaurs are smart, sexy beasts. So much so that they made quite a few movies about them. And I'm sure that your little guy's room is filled with them too... because he loves them so much. Can't get a better compliment than that.

  9. When my son was in preschool, he thought dinosaurs were the coolest thing in the world. So I would consider this card pretty darn awesome! And why do you think I send my kids to religious school? Free Sunday morning, of course.