Friday, September 13, 2013

Conversation with the Hubs

I think it's worth noting that I have this post’s draft saved in my computer as “Shitting Pants Conversation with the Hubs.” 

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m starting to feel that with content like this, I might be coined the next Hemingway.

Or maybe not.  Anyhoo…

The hubs and I were in the car one morning, driving back from a weekend trip to the in-laws’.  The kids were sleeping in their car seats in the back, and normally my rule for the hubs when this happens is to leave me the eff alone because I’d like to stick my nose into a book peacefully for as long as my little angels will allow me before they wake up and start screaming things like “BUTT!” and throwing Goldfish and craisins at each other.

I guess, though, that the hubs had a burning question and could keep it in no longer, because he glanced at me and asked me this:

“Were you the one telling me about the person who got drunk and was found passed out with his pants pulled down, full of shit?  And when he woke up, he blamed it on someone else, saying that obviously someone had pulled his pants down and taken a dump in them just to embarrass him?”

Peeps, I do believe I actually put a bookmark into my book and set it on the floorboard, which is an unprecedented response when the hubs talks to me—but the situation seemed to warrant it.  I then turned to my husband and silently stared at him in disbelief.

When I hadn’t said anything, he took his eyes off the road for a split second to look back at me, and that was all it took.  We both burst into hysterical laughter, and it only took a few moments for the tears to come.  I didn’t even care if my kids woke up; I simply could not stop laughing.

Finally, I managed to gasp out a response:  “NO, that was not me, but I sure wish that I had been the one to relay that priceless gem to you!  Holy SHIT, dude, who are our friends?  Because I think it might be time to re-evaluate…”

Or maybe not. 

Maybe being friends with someone who knows someone who once passed out and shat his pants and blamed it on someone else is exactly the type of person that we need to be hanging out with. 

Because what the hell could we do that would be any worse than that?

And seriously, peeps?  I need that self-esteem boost.  It’s like I once said to my best friend, “If I’m your voice of reason at 1:30 in the morning, there’s a problem.”

So here’s to drunkards shitting their pants and blaming it on other people, inadvertently making the rest of us look good. 

Cheers!

34 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Right?! Although I'd have probably been the one taking pictures, going, "Can I put this on my blog??" Okay, maybe not taking pictures...GROSS

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    2. No, we all know I would have been the one taking pictures!

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    3. It's really the only reason I carry a camera on my person at all times...in case someone is caught shitting his/her pants. Except my kids...then it's not funny b/c I have to clean it up. But I think they're pretty much past that point.

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  2. Wow! I want to be friends with your friends! That's hilarious!

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    1. He never did remember who told him the story, but when I read him this blog post as I was writing it, we started laughing all over again. :)

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  3. Oh wow- definitely a moment that merits laughing til you cry.

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  4. Every person needs that friend, I had quite a few of them in college.

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    1. I'm thinking I WAS that friend in college...but even I never shat my pants. :)

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  5. That is a bizarre conversation you two had, but I love it because we have the same type of discussions. I feel less weird now, but I also feel like I need to get cooler friends. Thanks for the laugh :)

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    1. I figure everyone can relate to a conversation at least similar to this one in stupidity content, right? Haha

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  6. So funny! My hubby & I would be cracking up as well because we know people that it probably happened to...lol. So glad I found your blog on the Momisodes page.

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  7. I have some of those friends too! I can't tell if I'm attracted to those type of people or if they're attracted to me. Either way, they make me look normal...no easy feat.

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    1. Yes! Which is why I always try to find friends who are trashier than I am--which is also no easy feat b/c there's a balance you need to find...you don't want to get into the scary-trashy people with meth labs in their bath tubs, right? Just a teensy bit trashier than I am, yet still normal so that they make me look good...even classy-ish. Haha

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  8. Damn! That's a little like a rock star choking on someone else's vomit, isn't it?

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    1. I love how many metaphors you can make with being a rock star! And yes--I agree! It's a terribly hilarious picture.

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  9. absolutely hilarious

    found you through Linda's I Don't Like Mondays

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  10. Holy cow, that's gross. I always read in the car, too. It's the only peace I get, but I do like how you put a bookmark in it b/c THIS was definitely something you had to hear.

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  11. I need more friends like that. I think my hubs is getting to the point where he's forgotten that there are a shitton of people way worse than I am. Thanks for the reminder! AHHAHAHH :)

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    1. Seriously! That's what I always have to tell my hubs when he complains about something: "I think there are worse addictions than my coffee/reading habits." The only reason he gets mad that I have my nose in a book is because he wants someone to annoy while we're on the road. :)

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    2. Um so I had an embarrassing moment today and it was maybe totally partly yourmy fault. There was a blogger in a FB group that I'm in. I thought you were out of the anon closet for a minute and I also thought you were black. I mean maybe you are. I don't care. But you write like a white girl. Um. Shutting up. You're linked to here: http://www.findingninee.com/laser-light-shows-and-skanks/
      I TOTALLY called her a skankster 'cause I thought it was you...

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    3. Kristi, you are HILARIOUS!! I'll go check it out!

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  12. I love those kinds of friends. need more!

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  13. OMG that sounds like my kind of party---I'd be the one standing over him, taking pictures to post on my blog!

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    1. I probably would have had I been there...or at least I would've thought about it! :)

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  14. I once worked with a gal who would get fall down drunk and pee on the dance floor at clubs. I always thought THAT was gross, but she's got nothing on this guy! Holy crap!!!

    (I would say "<<-- did you see what I did there?"...but, you know... HA!)

    xo

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    1. Oh my gosh, I don't know, Dani...that's pretty bad. And she did it more than once?

      And I love what you did there, more so b/c we've talked about it so it's even funnier! :)

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  15. Wait, I'm confused. How much different is that then stealing some guys chihuahua and making it dance in a car?

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    1. It's different, okay, Jen? It's just different!! Haha

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