I don’t mean to brag, but I’m starting to feel that with content like this, I might be coined the next Hemingway.
Or maybe not. Anyhoo…
The hubs and I were in the car one morning, driving back from a weekend trip to the in-laws’. The kids were sleeping in their car seats in the back, and normally my rule for the hubs when this happens is to leave me the eff alone because I’d like to stick my nose into a book peacefully for as long as my little angels will allow me before they wake up and start screaming things like “BUTT!” and throwing Goldfish and craisins at each other.
I guess, though, that the hubs had a burning question and could keep it in no longer, because he glanced at me and asked me this:
“Were you the one telling me about the person who got drunk and was found passed out with his pants pulled down, full of shit? And when he woke up, he blamed it on someone else, saying that obviously someone had pulled his pants down and taken a dump in them just to embarrass him?”
Peeps, I do believe I actually put a bookmark into my book and set it on the floorboard, which is an unprecedented response when the hubs talks to me—but the situation seemed to warrant it. I then turned to my husband and silently stared at him in disbelief.
When I hadn’t said anything, he took his eyes off the road for a split second to look back at me, and that was all it took. We both burst into hysterical laughter, and it only took a few moments for the tears to come. I didn’t even care if my kids woke up; I simply could not stop laughing.
Finally, I managed to gasp out a response: “NO, that was not me, but I sure wish that I had been the one to relay that priceless gem to you! Holy SHIT, dude, who are our friends? Because I think it might be time to re-evaluate…”
Or maybe not.
Maybe being friends with someone who knows someone who once passed out and shat his pants and blamed it on someone else is exactly the type of person that we need to be hanging out with.
Because what the hell could we do that would be any worse than that?
And seriously, peeps? I need that self-esteem boost. It’s like I once said to my best friend, “If I’m your voice of reason at 1:30 in the morning, there’s a problem.”
So here’s to drunkards shitting their pants and blaming it on other people, inadvertently making the rest of us look good.