Friday, November 30, 2012

You Are NOT the Father

One of my close friends just announced that she’s pregnant again by having her son wear a cute “Big Brother” t-shirt to Thanksgiving festivities.  It got me thinking:  I’m pretty sure her choice of t-shirt was a little more appropriate than the one I had my older son wear when I announced my second pregnancy.

On the front:

Mom’s Fairly Certain that You’re Not Little Bro’s Dad…

And on the back:

…but We’re Going to Go Ahead and Pretend Like You Are, Mmkay?

I decided that to get the hubs used to the idea of a bastard child (you know, just in case), I’d have my older boy wear subliminal message t-shirts for the remainder of the pregnancy.  Some of the more effective ones were:

Dammit We Might Be a Day or Two Off

Half Brothers Rock

Mom Might Have Some Sort of Exotic Ethnicity in Her Bloodline…Just So You Know

DNA Tests Are So 1991

The whole subliminal messages t-shirt thing culminated in the one I had my older son wear the day before my due date:

He’s Not Yours, Beeyatch

I had to guilt the hubs into wanting to stay even if it was proven that our second son wasn’t his, so I made myself one that said this:

You Loved that I Was a Skank When You Met Me; It’s You Who’s Changed, not Me

When the baby was born, I felt like it would cruel to leave him out of the fun.  So I had a little onesie made up that said this:

Luckily, I Ended Up Looking Exactly Like My Dad…But Then Again, so Did the Guy from Mom’s Vodka and Red Bull-Fueled Night (as Far as She Can Recall)…Hell, Maybe that WAS Dad

You’d be surprised the amount of words those screen printers can fit onto those teensy onesies. 

Anyhoo, for my next business venture, I’m going into t-shirt making.  I’m thinking I’ve got quite a knack for it, no?


  1. hahahahaha- hilarious! "You Loved that I Was a Skank When You Met Me; It’s You Who’s Changed, not Me" <---- Haha, totally relate!

  2. Funny!! Thanks for stopping by Savvy Suburban. Sorry you had trouble with following, I don't think my follow with email is working, I need to fix it. I recently switched platforms and not everything is running smoothly yet! Such a pain. In the meantime, best to follow on Twitter or Facebook.